I've made up my mind concerning said dreadlocks

People are asking if I'm serious about the dreads thing....

Yes, yes I am.

It started off as this desire to try something crazy that most people would be shocked to hear about and to get a cool hair style in the process. It's something more now. It's not even so much an issue of rebellion against all the people who scream a resounding "NO, don't do it!", although there is a hint of that.

"So why do you want to dread your hair?" you might be asking. "Why ruin your long, flowing, beautiful, straight hair?" Perhaps that is part of it. I love my hair, but it's been this way forever. Straight. Short or long, it's straight. (Except for my brief spiral perm days that is.) But it's time to move on from the straight and perfect hair.

Funny. I always wanted the hair that I have now, and now that I have it I don't want it anymore. It's not that I didn't have the same hair as I do now, but that I was not grown into my hair--either that or my mom bought me unnecessary volumizing shampoo and conditioner. My hair would poof out, but only the lower half of it. I hated my hair because it was too poofy and I just wanted calm straight hair.

I was jealous of the girls in high school who had long, straight, calm hair that they could pull back with their fingers, front to back, and it fall perfectly into place. My hair was just a frizzy mess. In college, I cut my hair and stopped using my mom's good intention shampoo and conditioner that adds several volumes to your hair. Suddenly people were telling me that they were jealous of my hair. "You can just run a brush through it and it's beautiful." Finally. When I started to grow my hair back to its current length I realized that for once in my life I loved my hair.

So I have want I wanted, yet I don't want it anymore. I do and I don't. Just the other week I told Judy that I wouldn't cut my hair because it just got back to the length that I like it. There is pride involved in taking such a risk in terms of something I've wanted for so long. What if the dreads come out horrible and I hate them? What if I can't wash them out and have to shave my hair? What if I miss running my hand through my hair or brushing my long locks? What if… What if?

It's more than wanting an awesome hairstyle and hoping that it looks good.

It's stepping out of the box that society has created.

It's taking a risk and putting pride on the line.

I think I’ve made up my mind…anyone want to help?