Introspection for common reflection

Will I ever be satisfied with what I have, or will I always want more? Why am I not content with the blessings in my life, always wanting what is beyond my reach? Never at peace with where my life is going. Yet, what I do need more of, I am satisfied to ignore. Satisfaction with what I should not be satisfied with, and unsatisfaction with what I should be satisfied with. Every day I ignore this fact the problem grows. To ignore any longer places my focus on God at risk. Instead of turning to God to thank Him for my blessings, I begin to wonder, question, and doubt whether what I have really is a blessing. Can I not place my desires to the side, just this once? And have them stay on the periphery? Why must my happiness be confused with blessings, so that when I feel less blessed, I am less happy? When things don't turn out like I want them to, I am suddenly distraught. What I thought was a blessing is suddenly a curse because I cannot see God's plan and am impatient to wait for it. For once, can I not just trust God without falling into the same pattern of impatience? Why am I in such a hurry to know God's plan for my future that I forget the journey that is now? I forget the beauty of the process and concentrate on the end, which frustrates me because I cannot see the end. The goal is hidden. I hate it when things are hidden and unknown. I want to be in control. I want to at least know the direction I am headed in the various areas of my life--relationships, vocation, academics, music. I resist trusing God even though I know that I shouldn't resist. I resist because it's all I seem to know. I resist because it's more comfortable than faith in the unseen. I resist even when I know it causes me more pain that it is worth. Places me back at the beginning. I don't want to go back to the beginning! I've come so far! Trust is at hand, and the littlest things distract me from it. Will I ever be satisfied with the blessings God gives me, or will I continually desire more?

It reminds me of this statement:

I asked God to give me happiness. God said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.

Happiness is up to me?! I don't want to hear that...it's God's job to make me happy. Or, is it? Should not my life be so centered on God that the journey He takes me on is a constant blessing? Should not every aspect of my life be an act of worship to God? If it is not, then there is the source of my unhappiness. I am living for myself, my own desires, and my imperfection, rather than for the God who created me and desires more for me than I can imagine.