Powerless does not mean actionless

How many times have I thought to myself, "I'm going to Africa."? How many times have I felt a longing and a yearning to jump on a plane and land in Africa? The desire to go is overwhelming. Sometimes I pretend it doesn't exist. In fact, I have pretended for quite some time. Long enough to become comfortable where I am. Too long.

Maybe I figured that it was time enough for me to move on from the longing to see Africa and meet the people there--I obviously need to find something more practical to do with my life...living in a village or city in Africa is not practical. I obviously cannot be that serious about living in Africa, even if only for a short time, because I have done nothing to actually do it. All thoughts, all talk, no real action. I better just forget about it. Besides, I am also a bit scared of Africa. Could I really live there and face the poor health conditions of the children? Could I really be face to face with people dying of AIDS? What is there for me to do anyway? I can't stop the epidemic. I can't stop their dying. I am powerless. Did I forget my desire to go to Africa or talk myself out of it?

Powerless people. Perhaps that's what they need. Powerless people who are willing to let their hearts break with them. Powerless people, who, if they can do nothing else, will be a loving presence among them.

Rick Ufford-Chase is in Africa this week. As he relays his thoughts about going to Africa, his sentiments follow mine, "going to Africa actually makes me a little nervous, because I'm just not sure I have enough time in my day, energy in my life, or even room in my heart for more of that suffering and beauty."

Powerless Mary. I think the real question I should be asking myself is, "How can I not live face to face with the poor health conditions and people dying of AIDS?"--in any country. Powerless does not mean actionless.