Unmotivated

So, I guess I've been pretty unmotivated to post about what I've been up to lately. Unmotivation is sorta a theme in my life right now actually....I'm unmotivated in a lot of ways. Mainly, though, it's that I don't want to put forth the energy and effort towards making close friends here. I just remember how long it took me to become close to my TX friends and to feel comfortable around them, and I just don't want to do that again. It's a lot of work to start, build, and maintain a friendship, and then to grow to the level of complete trust and comfort takes time. On one hand, there are so many great people here that I would love to know better, but on the other hand, to know them means to take the initative and put forth effort. Initative that I don't really have all the time, and can't be bothered to find. Finding effort is the same way. At one point I was gung-ho about meeting people and made an effort to step out of my comfort zone when making friends. I don't know what happened, but it's not that way anymore. And yet it is, because I still find that there are people that I don't know yet that I would love to hang out with. And it's not like I've suddenly reverted back to my freshman year in college where I lock myself in my room and never come out, but there's that temptation lerking in my mind every so often. I know there are people that are fine with having a large group of friends and not really being very close to any of them, and there are those people that stick to the close group of friends. I don't know where I am supposed to be, but I know that I'm not there yet. I know that I miss having all my close friends with me, but does that mean that I have to have a close group of friends here? Or, maybe I just need to continue to meet and hang out with various people and not worry about having close friends here. I lean towards the last option. Yet, there are days that I feel incrediably lonely. No one here really knows me. I am starting to become pretty good friends with Christina (she's from TX!!) on my floor in the dorm. We are in similar situations in more than one way. Which is great to have someone to identify with that is here. I think she's having similar struggles with not wanting to put forth so much effort into making friends. I guess it's human nature that makes us want things to come to us the easy way. I just don't want to miss out on great relationships because I am too lazy to put forth the effort to build new friendships. Maybe things will get better once the rest of the seminary get here. Maybe I just need God to knock some sense into me. How scary is that thought? ...I was just being hypothetical God...really...