Stop staring at the shelf

Just thought I'd let ya know that I've started classes now, and the reading has begun. I'm even reading on how to read. And how to study. Reading about reading makes me want to read. Read the books that I find on the shelves of Barnes and Noble or a used book store, flip through, read a couple pages of, and think, "I want to read this, but I don't have the money or time to buy every book I want to read." So, I sadly place the book back on the shelf and everytime I walk by it or hear about it, wish that I had time to read it. With all the required readings for class who has time for pleasure reading? Who has time to read anything else? Books for fun, much less daily Bible reading, are pushed aside for scholarly readings. That is my history anyway. Maybe that's just me.

Maybe I should find the motivation to read a book other than what is required for class, even if it is just a few pages a day. Maybe BDredge is right and I should be doing such things. Maybe my brother Jacob has the right idea. Maybe I should stop thinking about reading these books and actually read them. These concepts...

I guess it's like writing: you need to make time for it. I make time to write, even if it's just for this blog or my more personal journal (...No, you can't have copies of that one!...). BDredge has convinced me that to improve writing one must continually write, even if it's about nothing, and do this everyday. Habitualize it. And so I think I should try to do the same with reading.

Not so that I can prove my scholarly knowledge to people, but to feel more confident in my own knowledge. Maybe reading will help this self-esteem of mine to forget it's reluctance to speak up in class because I'm not educated enough to speak my options. That has been my excuse for too long. I've been sitting at the table of conversation and watching, entering by way of forced discussion in class and with papers, timidly because I don't believe I actually belong there. Even more timidly when the thought of writing my own books come to mind. So, the conversations are continuing without me and I sit waiting for my confidence to grow enough to speak with authority.

But, perhaps I have judged the table all too wrong. Maybe I do have something to contribute and maybe they will listen to me. And if this is the case, then for me to fully join in the conversations I must stop staring at the books on the shelf and actually read them. And after thought and reflection, begin to work out and write my own contributions.