Monday, August 30, 2004

I feel more perfect every day

Behold! Translating the English from the Greek the passages in the John 1st epistle I am. Word order in Greek...wonderful it is. The past few classes we've been working through 1 John in class and have translation quizes the next day over a section of the passsage. It's going pretty well. It's great to be able to read through the text with relative ease. I'm actually reading a book of the Bible in Greek!! How cool is that?! Finally, I feel some reward from this long and difficult process! We'll be translating 1 John for the rest of the week/class and on the last day of class we're translating/reading Philemon.

I am starting to feel more like myself these days. I am beginning to realize that it is ok to do so. I think my main problem was that I felt like I was having to grow up way too fast by coming here, and I was really resistent to that. Grad school is a different atmosphere than college. While PTS is a seminary with a younger average age than most seminaries, most people are significantly older than me. And I guess what I mean by that is not so much that they're old physically (I'm thinking like around the ages of 29-30 ish), but more so that they're at a different point in their life than I am. I am still very much oriented around college life and they are coming from years in real world jobs and/or families.

I've found a group of people that are closer to my age and they are helping me realize that I can be myself. I'm 22 and going to Grad school isn't going to change the fact that I am still a youngin, or my desire for random crazy times every now and then. I guess I was so concerned about making friends for a while that it actually inhibited me from really doing so. It made me self-conscious--"I don't dress nicely enough, I'm wearing T-shirts and jean shorts and everyone else is wearing nice clothes"; "I'm so young"; "I don't really fit in anywhere". All this on top of struggling with a new language, and a different part of the country was enough to make me uncomfortable pretty much all the time. I wanted to me myself, but didn't feel like I could.

I am beginning to feel comfortable now. At least a little. More so with some people than others. I still don't think these people know who their really dealing with. ;-)

Maybe just like some of you reading this post. That's why you shouldn't let reading about my life from my journal be the last word of how I'm really doing and who I am. Translation...I miss talking to you guys so please e-mail me, or post comments, or call me, or something! I miss you!

And I am so incrediably sad that most everyone else is going home for the week off next week and I am stuck here...I really want to go home and I can't until Christmas. Let's hope I make it that long... But, Carrie's stopping by with her mom tomorrow on her way to Boston so that will be great. It's good having other friends starting seminary at the same time. Carrie and Lauren as well as Bret from my home church in Corpus.

Ok, I'll shut up now...

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Tejas

Fresh Tortilla's

TEX MEX!

~~~

CowPie172: micro or mac...burn all computers machines and software bs!!!
CowPie172: horses and tractors are the best

~~~

You don't have to drive to Maryland to buy Shiner

You can drink Dos Equis with your chips and salsa, cheese enchilada's, tortilla soup, fajitas...oh, fajitas...

TEX MEX!!

~~~

All my wonderful friends and family

~~~

TEX MEX!!!

~~~

Can you tell that I miss having good Mexican food on every corner? Any corner!

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Unmotivated

So, I guess I've been pretty unmotivated to post about what I've been up to lately. Unmotivation is sorta a theme in my life right now actually....I'm unmotivated in a lot of ways. Mainly, though, it's that I don't want to put forth the energy and effort towards making close friends here. I just remember how long it took me to become close to my TX friends and to feel comfortable around them, and I just don't want to do that again. It's a lot of work to start, build, and maintain a friendship, and then to grow to the level of complete trust and comfort takes time. On one hand, there are so many great people here that I would love to know better, but on the other hand, to know them means to take the initative and put forth effort. Initative that I don't really have all the time, and can't be bothered to find. Finding effort is the same way. At one point I was gung-ho about meeting people and made an effort to step out of my comfort zone when making friends. I don't know what happened, but it's not that way anymore. And yet it is, because I still find that there are people that I don't know yet that I would love to hang out with. And it's not like I've suddenly reverted back to my freshman year in college where I lock myself in my room and never come out, but there's that temptation lerking in my mind every so often. I know there are people that are fine with having a large group of friends and not really being very close to any of them, and there are those people that stick to the close group of friends. I don't know where I am supposed to be, but I know that I'm not there yet. I know that I miss having all my close friends with me, but does that mean that I have to have a close group of friends here? Or, maybe I just need to continue to meet and hang out with various people and not worry about having close friends here. I lean towards the last option. Yet, there are days that I feel incrediably lonely. No one here really knows me. I am starting to become pretty good friends with Christina (she's from TX!!) on my floor in the dorm. We are in similar situations in more than one way. Which is great to have someone to identify with that is here. I think she's having similar struggles with not wanting to put forth so much effort into making friends. I guess it's human nature that makes us want things to come to us the easy way. I just don't want to miss out on great relationships because I am too lazy to put forth the effort to build new friendships. Maybe things will get better once the rest of the seminary get here. Maybe I just need God to knock some sense into me. How scary is that thought? ...I was just being hypothetical God...really...

Thursday, August 19, 2004

What's all this for?

A friend once said her life is an open book...sorta feel like that myself sometimes, so why not write a song about it? Just finished this one actually... I'm excited because it sounds a bit different than most, if not all, of my other songs. It has a little faster feel to it than my usual. I would love to sing it for ya... Alas, my recording tools are on the family computer at home in Corpus--just sitting there not being used!! No, I'm not bitter... :-) OK, so, I hope you enjoy the song even if you don't know what it sounds like.


(tentative title)
What's all this for?--by Mary Blacklock


you say I don't know
who or what you are
maybe it's true
still you never seem to want
to enlighten me
the further I get from you
the closer I want to stay
fairy tales fill in the silence
now if only these conversations were real

and what is all this for?

perhaps to understand all those who've gone before
and why there are so many songs on love,
hope, pain, and desire

relizations a long time coming
given a chance or a rock the chance wins
everytime*
for there's always room for speculation

and what is all this for?

supposed to move on--but waiting
for what?
I only wish these conversations were real

and what is all this for?



*Refers to a line in the Caedmon's Call song, "Table for Two"

Sunday, August 15, 2004

The Wawa

Just got back from the Wawa. Brenna and I needed a diet coke, and where else would you go but to the Wawa? A refill for a 32 oz. is 84 cents...which is a whole lot better than getting a bottle from the coke machine in the basement of the dorm...$1.20 for 20 oz...please...

Friday, August 13, 2004

Pictures!

So, I realized that I have a yahoo! account and can post my pictures there....duh! Which is good cause the friendup site wasn't really working for me. So...for backpacking pics and other fun pics click the link below! I don't have too many recent ones and some of the albums aren't finished yet, but it's better than nothing.

My Photo Album

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Things that make studying worth while...

1) While studying this afternoon I saw a guy who resembled Derek Jeter. It was much more interesting to wonder about him than translate Greek sentences:

If he is Derek Jeter what would he be doing in Princeton, NJ eating at this place? Would Derek Jeter wear a Yankees cap if he came here? If I were Derek Jeter would I wear a Yankees cap? Afterall, it is his team...I would wear things that say Princeton on them. I should go ask him if he's Derek Jeter...I wonder if anyone's ever asked him that, or if other people think he looks like Derek Jeter... I know he's not really Derek Jeter, but wouldn't it be awesome if he was? I wonder if I would talk to him?

Probably not because I'd be too busy wondering...



2) The translation of the last sentence of the practice and review exercises in Chapter 23 of N. Clayton Croy's A Primer of Biblical Greek:

Shall we drink wine until we are not able to walk nor speak?



:-D

The Identity Crisis of the American Church, Part 2

Release Magazine

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Part 2

"German theologian Martin Luther was once asked by a member of his congregation why he preached the Gospel to them week after week, thinking that surely they were ready to move on to some deeper, more spiritual teaching. Luther’s reply was, “Because beloved, week after week you forget it.”

Luther’s church back then was just like our church today, and his response is still so appropriate. Throughout our history, God’s people have exchanged one idol for another.

In preaching and practice, the church today works hard to be ‘relevant.’ At first glance, it’s a noble cause. But with some reflection, we find that the compromises that appear to make us ‘relevant’ can also strip us of our distinctive and transcendent characteristics. Our hope of being truly relevant to our ever-changing culture here in America, is to be who we are as the Body and Bride of Christ. Franky Schaeffer in his book Addicted to Mediocrity said, “The church’s effectiveness in the world is stifled proportionate to the extensiveness of its blind spots.” Maturity is learning the language of repentance and reformation as we uncover our spiritual blind spots.

Contrary to appearances and “best selling book” racks in Christian bookstores, the church’s greatest need is not spiritual stimulation. In fact, I’d say that we are thoroughly over stimulated. We’re just dying to hear and experience new things, to have our spiritual lives revolutionized, and to be in the ‘inner circle’ of the latest spiritual trends and ideologies. It seems that every few weeks there’s a new book outlining the newest spiritual formula by which we can get all that God has to offer us, be it ‘victorious’ Christian living or spiritual blessings of all kinds. And we can’t wait to get on the bandwagon hoping that maybe this will be the missing piece that we’ve been looking for.

But for the same reason the newest mouthwash or soft drink can’t make us more confident and assertive as their marketing promises, these spiritual ‘products’ can’t satisfy us. The good news is that new soft drinks, best selling books, and failed church formulas expose the fact that we never get over our need for Jesus. Nothing else can satisfy us.

So maybe our blind spot is that we’d rather be a “sub-culture’ than a ‘counter-culture’. When we make an idol of ‘relevance’ we become a Christian ghetto enslaved to the rules of pop culture. But Jesus makes his Kingdom to be a ‘counter-culture’, where every order of this world is turned on its head. The poor are rich and the broken ones are exalted. The church community is not like a membership to a health club of your choosing. It’s not like a shopping mall where you bring your visa card. The gospel shows us that we can’t heal our sickness, we have no money, and we have no heart. But the gospel invites us to a great feast, teaches us how to love, and trades consumerism for service.

The 21st century church still needs to hear the same gospel that Luther spoke of week after week. Will we confess the sufficiency of Christ or will we continue to worship a false sense of relevance? Will we continue to put warm coats on spiritually dead people or will we preach to them the Gospel in all its offense and beauty? Come to Jesus and find maturity in repentance, vision through scripture, and mercy in our great Savior. By His grace alone, His church will be victorious, and she will be set free."



(as found in the journal section of the website of Derek Webb)

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

The Identity Crisis of the American Church, Part 1

I can't seem to focus on Greek at the moment...So, I thought I'd share this article that I found last night on the website of Derek Webb. In the journal section he has several articles listed. I read the 2 part article called "The Identity Crisis of the American Church" as found in Release Magazine and wanted to comment on it. I assume Derek wrote it, but I'm not positive--It makes sense that he would have. I'll only post Part 1 for now. I don't see how one can ignore this article.

Sunday, December 7, 2003

Part 1:

"It’s hard to do your job when you don’t know who you are. It shouldn’t be any wonder that stories like The Ugly Duckling resonate so deeply. What a frustration to want to be and do as God created you, yet to have no idea who or what that is.

This is the root of many problems we seem to have in American churches. We don’t know exactly who we are, so we don’t know exactly what to do. And when we don’t have the vision to do the thing that’s right, our default is just to do the thing that works, which can quickly become a dangerous practice.

Living in Christian community is rarely practical and almost never efficient, which is, incidentally, exactly how it was designed. Therefore, choosing the option that simply works in our churches with no transcendent vision for our communities can be a steep and slippery slope.

All too often we find ourselves living by the rules of pragmatism rather than by the law of freedom found in the gospel. We are content to encourage all kinds of consumerism in our church communities rather than living in a way that identifies us more with our brothers and sisters throughout time and across the world than with our 21st century American culture.

The real trouble is that we often do this in the name of either evangelism or the Church’s favorite modern idol—relevance. I’m not talking about true relevance, the kind that affords us opportunities to speak into an ever-changing culture. Rather, I’m referring to the ways we spend our time constructing platforms upon which we might speak the truth of God but never ascend them.

The Church has traded in its identity as the true counterculture for the lesser role of a subculture, playing by all the rules of and taking all its cues from consumerism and pop culture. We criticize and boycott companies and corporations for their practices, and yet we use their marketing techniques and strategies to evangelize the lost.

After 10 years in Christian music, I’ve seen a lot of this firsthand, and it seems to be sending terribly mixed messages. I’ve seen churches that warn their students of the dangers of secular music and MTV, and yet invite them to a weekly youth gathering that is more postmodern and sensationalized than most MTV programs.
I’ve seen ridiculous, if not blasphemous, T-shirts that use secular marketing slogans but with a Christian twist in some effort to evangelize youth. This becomes especially distasteful and confusing when it’s mimicking a company clearly frowned upon by the Christian community—the Christian version of the Abercrombie & Fitch T-shirt, which reads “A Breadcrumb & A Fish.”

Can we who are always about three years behind the latest pop culture trend no longer recall the time when the Christian culture led in innovation and creativity? Because of Jesus, we are freed to do the hard work of engaging all kinds of people rather than simply catering to the felt needs of target audiences in our churches. Because of Jesus, we can explore what it looks like for God’s people to reclaim culture for His glory. And because of Jesus, we can be truly relevant in an ever-changing culture. Not because we are focused on being relevant, but because we are focused on the gospel. This is our job, and this is who we are."

Maybe not in this life, but surely the next...

I just thought I would clarify a few of the details about Scott. At the prayer vigil last night there seemed to be two different stories about Scott's condition. Some had heard that he had already died and others that he was still on life support, but had permanent brain damage. It's so sad to think that a routine heart surgury could turn so tragic. With the bike accident a few weeks ago his system couldn't handle the process. How fragile life is. Last night was a time of relization that Scott was in a time between life and death and that all we could offer him and his family and friends were prayers and songs.

Wednesday mornings at 10:15 we always have a worship service in the chapel. This is when the chaplian told us that Scott's family decided to pull him off life support at 10 this morning. So, I guess it's offical now. It's been a rough day around here. I am friends with alot of Scott's good friends and it hurts me to see them hurt, and it's sad to think that I won't be able to know him in this life. I guess that is something to remember...maybe not in this life, but surely in the next.

Scott's best friend was doing field work in South Africa and just heard about Scott this morning. The last I heard he was in an airport trying to get a last minute ticket to be here for the funeral on Saturday. We're trying to help him by donating money to come. Pray that he makes it here safely.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

He will be missed...

Have you ever had a feeling that you should get to know someone when you meet them because they seem like a really great person to know? That's how I felt about Scott, and now it's too late. Kelly just came and told me that he died. I'm not sure when, but I guess that doesn't really matter. As far as I know he had a brain hemorrhage which they think was caused by a bike accident that he had a few weeks ago. Even though I didn't really know Scott, I still feel the loss. The community here is feeling a great loss. We're meeting in the chapel to pray at 10:15 tonight so if you read this before or around that time please join us in prayer from where you are. Continue your prayers for him and his family and friends and all of us here at PTS who are faced with the death of a fellow classmate. I love you guys.

Pray for Scott

Please say a prayer for one of the Middlers here at PTS, Scott S. He has had a heart condition since he was younger and knew that he would have to have surgery when he was older. So, to that extent he knew the surgery was coming, but he didn't know it would be now. He was taken into surgery yesterday morning for what should be a routine procedure. As I understand it they found something else wrong with him. The latest update at lunch today was that after putting his heart back there is no brain activity and while they haven't given up on him, it is a very critical time. I have been in groups of people praying for Scott and seen groups of people praying for Scott and am amazed at how the community is responding to this. People are leaving for Pittsburgh at this moment to stay at the hospital. I say I am amazed, but, really, Scott has touched so many people's lives here that I'm not surprized by the support and love people are showing. I don't even know Scott that well, and I can understand what an impact he has had here. I met him briefly in the beginning of the summer and when he saw me again he remembered my name, one of the few that didn't need a few reminders before it stuck. In the few times I've been around him, I've felt accepted and welcomed into whatever group it was, just because he was there. A warm smile and a geniune heart. And now a heart and a body that are relying on the knowledge and steadiness of the doctors and the sovernty of God. I ask you to please lift Scott up in your prayers. As well as his family and friends who are feeling a variety of emotions at this time.

Monday, August 09, 2004

Weekend Backpacking Trip

Guess what...I went backpacking this weekend! It was so great being out in the wildnerness and away from my normal Greek driven days. I'd never backpacked before but had been wanting to go for some time. This seemed like the opportune moment considering the leaders of the trip, Katy and Matt, weren't so hard core that newbies couldn't come along. This was good because of the 6 of us that went 3 hadn't backpacked before. We left on Friday afternoon and hiked an hour or so to a camp spot and set up camp for the night...mostly in the dark since we were caught in traffic on the way there and lost a lot of daylight. The park we were in is 30 mins from the city (up here you call New York City, the city) so we could see the bright sky of lights that were from the city, but also had a pretty decent view of the stars as well. It was strange to think that we were camped out in the peaceful wilderness only 30 mins from the busy city. Saturday was the big hiking day. We started at 10 and hiked till about 5. We stopped by a fire ring with a lot of flat ground near by. It was a great place to set up camp. When we started cooking dinner (freeze dried "lasanga") two of our neighbors came to be social. They brought their food with them and cooked it while we were cooking ours. The girl had made her own burner out of a coffe can. It was pretty neat. They were both from the city. There were some other people camping a bit closer to the shelter and up the hill to the left, but we never met them. Matt and Katy were saying it was weird to see so many people on the trails, but that it was also kinda nice. In the mid-morning and afternoon we saw a lot of day hikers and moms and dads sitting on rocks with their kids. It was pretty cool. I think the coolest thing was being able to pick blueberries along the trail. I hadn't picked blueberries in long time so I enjoyed being able to do so. Sunday we only had a short hike back to the car, a couple hours I think. By that time our packs were so light that we were making really good time. Oh, the first day when I picked up my pack I about died. I was thinking, "Oh, Lord have mercy! What have I gotten into?" It took a while to get used to the pack. I fell once the first day and landed on my knees...luckily we hadn't gotten to the rocky trails yet and I landed on soft grass...I told the girls I was near that I was just saying a prayer for the group. Haha... Anyway, I have posted pictures of the trip that Matt took if you want to see some of the trail and people I went with...or need proof that I really did go backpacking. It's on a site called FriendUp and I don't think I can give you a link to my site...you may have to sign up and then search for my name. I'm listed as wildflower. Tell me if you are able to find me and/or if you're having trouble.

FriendUp

Thursday, August 05, 2004

rhma

I know my last post wasn't so happy, but I had to vent somewhere/to someone. I don't know why the organization church is frustrating to me all the sudden. Actually, it's more like it's been an issue for a while and I'm finally vocalizing my thoughts. I guess since I tend to avoid conflict, I am more likely to keep my concerns to myself. But, I just don't want to do that any longer. So, feel free to comment on my ramblings and thoughts on the church that I have a feeling are going to appear more often in my posts. It will be helpful for me to talk through them with other people. Especially non-seminary folk, cause seminarians are starting to get on my nerves. Haha...just kidding. It's just weird to be in a seminary crowd when going places. The conversations never seem to stray from some sort of seminary or church related topic. Maybe that's why I enjoy hanging out with Bugg and Shurley so much...haha...that's the first time I said their last names together, that's great...these guys are hilarious and end up talking about random things. They crack me up. Anyway, so you're probably wondering why I would want to encourgae continous religious talk as part of my blog entries... I don't know. Maybe because I spend so much time listening to it and not really saying anything....when I am here, it's my turn.

So, my real post will have to wait until after class cause I gotta jet.

rhma...word

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Herecital?

Why is it that having a strong sense of faith is taken as overly passive? Why is it that not knowing exactly what my ministry will look like in 5 years a horrible thing? Why is that because I am "very young" and haven't had as much experience in actual church ministry a sign that I can't be a minister in several years after having a seminary education? Why is it that because I am a "late bloomer" I am immature? Why is it that a person who doesn't even know me can judge who I am in 8 hours and think they really have an insight into my capabities? Why is it that instead of seeking for ways that I can do ministry now, with the gifts I have and am developing, I am told about how my weakness are seemingly overpowering? Why is that people don't trust that God provides the gifts we need when we need them? Why is a divine calling so important if you have to go through humans to pursue it? Why are more and more people leaving main line denominations? Maybe so they don't have to put up with this...

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

priorities

I was going to write a real intense and philosophical entry, but my trip to the Wawa took a bit longer than it was supposed to and therefore my study break is over... Sadness... But the good thing is $1.50 Margaritas at Charlie Browns in about an hour or so...oh my priorities in life...


And I can't forget to say... Happy Birthday Kara friend!