The beautiful day that was today...I wanted to run in the leaves!

Sometimes we see others who we think do not belong, so we shout out their name to embarrass them. Sometimes we try to hide in the crowd, hoping no one will recognize us. Sometimes we are upset that others in the crowd have the things we want, so we complain and grumble out loud. Sometimes the crowd looms over us so that we lose touch with God. Sometimes we feel called to ask the crowd to do unpopular things, and yet we shy away from that call. Sometimes we say to ourselves, "if only I were somewhere else...". Forgive us, God. Help us understand our relationships with others. Help us to be a part of your people. See our hearts, O God. Know our deepest yearnings to be with you. Call us from where we have been hinding to take our place next to you. Welcome us into the crowd of your disciples gathered together in love.

This was the litany of confession at Westminister Presbyterian in Trenton for this mornings service. Seems appropriate after what I posted yesterday. It grounded me to realize that God placed me here for a reason and I need to embrace that fully. Not trying to forget the past or people in the past who aren't in NJ, but at the same time, not separating myself from the people I know here in NJ by thinking too much of the people who aren't in NJ. Rhema?

As far as the venture to Trenton....

First of all, let me just say that New Jersey roads are a trip...next year when I have a car I will be going insane trying to learn the road system!

Secondly, Cathy and I went to this church because we are both interested in a field ed opportunity in a multicultural congregation. Don't worry, I haven't tossed my desires for an abroad internship out the window--how could I turn down an opportunity to live and work in Scotland for a year?! I will probably end up doing a year long internship here in Jeresy next year while taking classes like most people do, and then take the next year for a full time internship in Scotland. This way, one of my interships will be multicultural and I can still live abroad for a year. I am pretty excited about that actually. For awhile I wasn't as excited because I realized that the intership in Scotland would probably be in an older Scottish congregation. And, while I think I need experience in that traditional environment, I also feel called towards a multicultural congregation. So, in spending a year in both places I hope to discern where the call is... Both opportunities are exciting for me--in one I will be abroad and in the other I will be working in a congregation differant than I grew up in.

I think it's funny how a part of me resists the possiblity of being a pastor and thinks that I will lean towards social work at the end of my dual degree, and yet, I've already got two ideas for where I want to do pastoral interships! Maybe I can find a field placement that covers social work as well as pastoral ministry.

Oh, and shout out to Christina who just came back from Virginia and brought me a 6 pack of Shiner Bock!! YEA!!! It's been 4 months too long. Gracias mi amiga!

A window into the soul...

"Maybe your soul is at sake." I was told this in a recent conversation regarding this transition from Texas to Princeton and how I still feel alone at times. "Maybe your soul is still in Corpus Christi." Maybe it's still in Texas. This stuck me as an interesting comment to make. I don't usually hear people talking about their souls these days so it took me off guard a little. As I have thought about this more I think there is truth in the statement. I love Princeton and I think this is where God wants me, but there are times when my soul is not at rest. It longs for my Texas people. It longs for things and people in Texas that I need to let go of and others that I shouldn't and won't let go of. I don't know what to do about this. If my soul is resistant to this change, it's no wonder I have days where I don't want to socialize, I don't want to speak to people, and yet, simulataneously, I am aching to socialize and speak to people. Around the same time of this quoted comment I just finished reading Books 8 and 9 of Augustine's Confessions and it really made an impression on me. I journaled about it...here's an excerpt...

......Why has the soul been ignored for so long? I don’t even know what my soul is. What the hell? What is wrong with the American Christianity where I can grow up in church for 23 years and not know what my soul is?! Yet, I can feel it screaming inside of me. It’s what makes me tear up and cry. It’s what feels so alone. So empty. But shouldn’t Christ fill my soul? Does this mean that I really don’t know Christ? Is He not a part of all of my life like I hoped he was? Alone and wondering. I am reminded of Augustine’s Confessions, “What accusations against myself did I not bring? With what verbal rods did I not scourge my soul so that it would follow me in my attempt to go after you! But my soul hung back. It refused, and had no excuse to offer. The arguments were exhausted, and all had been refuted. The only thing left to it was a mute trembling, and as if it were facing death it was terrified of being restrained from the treadmill of habit by which it suffered ‘sickness unto death’ (John 11:4)”. He is speaking of his resistance to conversion and I don’t know what I am resisting. Resisting myself? Can you do that? Maybe I have a sense for the huge mess that I am and I don’t really want to get to the bottom of it even though I know it will help me in the end....“The body obeyed the slightest inclination of the soul to move the limbs at its pleasure more easily than the soul obeyed itself, when its supreme desire could be achieved exclusively by the will alone.” “‘Why are you relying on yourself, only to find yourself unreliable? Cast yourself upon him, do not be afraid. He will not withdraw himself so that you fall. Make a leap without anxiety; he will catch you and heal you.’”.....

So there ya go.

Busch Stadium

And while we're on the subject of the Cardinals, I thought I would take up the issue of the new Cardinal ballpark scheduled for completion in 2005...

The thought of this new ball park makes me sick. Call me old fasioned and resistant to change, but while this is partly true, there is more to it than that. Yes, I am sad that the stadium I went to growing up will be demolished. I'm just glad that I got to return to Busch Stadium summer of 2003 for a couple games while I was in St. Louis for the InterVarsity Urban Project. While I was there I heard of the plans to tear down Busch Stadium. This information came a few days after hearing that a large number of St. Louis schools were being shut down, many of them in the inner city. These are poor schools, yes, but they were being shut down without assessing the problems. Yet, there is a million doller stadium on the agenda to build when there is a perfectly good one standing there? This upset me, and still does. The first thing in my mind was, "Why don't you use all those millions you're planning on spending on the new baseball stadium and invest it in improvements for the educational system?" I still feel the same way. But, they are building the new stadium, and I will have to deal with that. And since I don't live in St. Louis anymore I don't really know the details of it all as much as I would like. But, I still think it's pretty sad how the city jumps on the opportunity to build a new stadium spending millions, when there are my beautiful Etzel children who are in need of a decent education.

Photos of Busch Stadium

An old article on why people didn't want the new stadium:
Stop the Stadium Madness: Here are 10 good reasons

The new ballpark

Busch Stadium and Arch 


Busch Stadium 

They still my boys....

"They will be remembered because their fate will be forever intertwined with the Red Sox, but the Cardinals deserve to be remembered for what they did before they crossed paths with Boston, including winning the franchise's first pennant since 1987.

They deserve to be remembered for their epic National League Championship battle with Houston, rather than a quick elimination by Boston in the World Series.

We should remember Albert Pujols, Scott Rolen and Jim Edmonds for the MVP-caliber seasons they had and the thrilling postseason games they gave us against Los Angeles and the Astros, rather than their vanishing act against the Red Sox...

The Cards earned our respect with their year-long excellence afield and afoot as a team that could beat you with the glove, a stolen base or a home run. Just because those traits all but deserted them in the Fall Classic doesn't mean we should forget what the Cardinals did to reach baseball's crown jewel...

The Cardinals, lest we forget, were picked to finish third or worse coming out of Spring Training. Not only did they outplay the highly regarded division favorites in Chicago and Houston, they compiled the best record in baseball and had their division wrapped up in August."


Excerpts from:

Cards season should be celebrated

United States Holocaust Museum, DC

Thanks to the American Jewish Committee who sponsors a complimentary trip for PTS students to visit The United States Holocaust Museum in Washington, D.C. each year. There were last minute openings so I was able to go. My previous exposure to a Holocaust Museum was quite a few years back at the Houston, Texas Holocaust Museum. I do not remember much of the exhibits at that time, but I do recall viewing a documentary film which made the events more real to me. As a result of Tuesday's trip, I feel like I have learned more as well as been reminded of the horribleness of the Nazi regeime.

We were able to view the Permanent Exhibit which is 3 floors of the building and outlines the "Nazi Assault," the "Final Solution," and the "Last Chapter". I also went through the Special Exhibit, "Remember the Children: Daniel's Story". Ran out of time though and wasn't able to see the "Deadly Medicine: Creating a Master Race" Exhibit. SInce I went to Daniel's house first, and went pretty slow in the beginning of the Permanent Exhibit I had to rush through the last section. So, if you're slow at museums like I am give yourself more than the 4 hours they gave us!

And the pictures from the Premanent Exhibition:

Tower of Faces-as described by the website... "devoted to the Jewish community of the Lithuanian town of Eisiskes, which was massacred by units of the German Einsatzgruppe and their Lithuanian auxiliaries in two days of mass shootings on September 25 and 26, 1941. The exhibit consists of approximately 1,000 reproductions of prewar photographs of Jewish life in the town gathered from more than 100 families by Dr. Yaffa Eliach, who spent her early childhood in Eisiskes."

Detail of the scale model of crematorium II at Auschwitz-Birkenau-this model shows the whole process of leading the Jews in a mass heard into a building where they are told to strip for a "cleansing shower". As they are all waiting half dressed or naked, farther down the model continues and shows the gassing room which is where this picture is from. Then, beyond that is the crematorium. Even the model faces grab me.

There were photographs by Roman Vishniac of the Jewish community which really touched me as well. I didn't find his pictures online, but I thought this biography from a past exibition of his very interesing.

And it's bed time.

on the "How Naked a Public Square ?" conference

I started my post about the conference I went to yesterday, and it led to a beginning of my Church, Community, and Nation paper. A very rough draft and it probably will not stay as it is, but at least it started the thought process. So, I think I will just post the rough draft of the first paragraph of the paper. Also, you can read the papers presented at the conference on the James Madison Program website.


"After attending two sessions of the James Madison Program conference at Princeton University on October 23, 2004 centered around the book The Naked Public Square by Richard John Neuhaus, there are many things I would like to comment on. At the end of it all, I felt a strange satisfaction that despite the mess that our country seems to be in politically, we are not totally lost. As Neuhaus said in his closing remarks on the conference entitled "How Naked a Public Square?: Reconsidering the Role of Religion in American Public Life" the experiment of democracy is a little over 200 years old and it is too early to pass judgment on whether or not it has failed. He then points to Luke 18:8b “when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” He then reminds us that we are not God, and as quoted from another source, he says, “For us is only to try, the rest is not our business.” It is God’s business. So, before diving into my paper in which I will try and bring to light the problems in American Democracy or in the American Political System, the structure of our society. I thought this would be good to keep in the forefront so as not to lead us into desperation of the times we are in. While they might be desperate times where we need to act and take a stand in how to change things, it is not entirely hopeless."

Another major part of the discussion was natural law and revelation in public discourse. It was a side of revelation that I had not thought about before...I took good notes since I still want to write a book on revelation.

How Naked a Public Square?

Let me just tell you how much I love living in a place where I can attended lectures by very influencial people. There was a two day conference at the University called "How Naked a Public Square?: Reconsidering the Role of Religion in American Public Life" which was based on the book The Naked Public Square: Religion and Democracy in America by Richard John Neuhaus. It is the 20th anniversary of this publication and as the people in the discussions I attended made clear, it is still relevant today.

There were sessions on Friday as well as today, but I did not find out about this conference until last night. It seems like something I would have attened all the sessions for, especially since I have no Friday classes...I definately could have pulled it off. Alas, my one day will have to do. If you want to read about the sessions and my thoughts on them I will be posting them shortly. I am hoping that I can use some of the information in my Church, Community, and Nation paper that I have due after reading week. It seems only appropriate.

SWEETNESS

Got back from the D-bar a little while ago--had to get me a celebratory Guinness since the St. Louis Cardinals won the National League Championship! Woo-hoo!! Ran into some other PTS people there and had fun just chillin.

Found this article earlier and thought it pretty much encompases my feelings about this time of year. Here's an excerpt:

"Baseball is often put down as boring and slow, nowhere near as fast or as crunching as the violence that the National Football League or college football display. And on a Tuesday night in July, with virtually nothing at stake and with another game tomorrow in what for many major league teams can be a dreary 162-game schedule, baseball can be boring and slow.

On the mound, the pitcher shakes off the catcher's signs. The batter fouls off several pitches. The infielders and outfielders stand as still as statues.

But when a baseball game means something special, the same elements that made it boring and slow in July make you hold your breath in October. For one of the teams in a Game 7 in October, there really is no tomorrow."

And I should add that those of us who follow and watch baseball from when it starts in July and the majority of people don't talk about baseball, up through the beginning of football season where Sports Center suddenly revolves around football, and on till the final innings of the League Championships and into the World Series...it's a long road, but the destination is worth it. And from the same article:

"When an October baseball game is still at stake in the late innings, teammates and spectators hold their breath on every pitch. And whenever the batter hits a long fly ball or even a short line drive, they hold their breath until it lands in the stands or in a glove."

And then jump around in exaltation when Pujols catches the ball for the last out. Even when it's not in extra innings. See ya in Boston.

Game 1-Saturday October 23

Baseball!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004--What a great day in baseball! The Cardinals played the Astros starting at 4:20 this afternoon followed by the Red Sox and Yankees, who just finished a little while ago. This is why I love Fall, and especially October.

So, Christina and I were watching the Cards and Astros till the 9th inning when I had to leave for work...I was already late and Christina had to push me out of the room so I would leave. As if I wanted to leave the game when it's tied 4-4 in the 9th in a 3-2 series led by the Astros!! That meant also missing the majority of the Sox and Yanks game also...I saw the last inning pretty much. I know my dad wouldn't approve, but I'm glad Boston won the American League Championship. Now, the Cardinals need to win tomorrow's game! ...I need to be able to watch the game! I have to work again...damn! Portable tv anyone? Radio that actually gets the broadcast? Or am I just going to have to be satisfied with seeing the end of the last inning once again? Maybe I'll just call Christina every 30 mins for an update...

Don't get me wrong, I love working the evening shift of the PTS Starbucks Kiosk located in McKay Center....just not this week! It's a good thing we have reading week this coming week of the World Series... A thought about that...Christina is leaving me so who am I going to watch the series with!?

Of Friday, October 15, 2004

Here is the promised weekend post, picture and all:

Last week I was talking to someone and they mentioned that when the preview students were here they were going to wear a squirrel costume. They wanted to sit outside the chapel reading a newspaper so people would see a giant squirrel upon leaving. We all laughed. I walk out of chapel on Friday and see this giant squirrel walking around and think to myself, "Wait, someone told me they were going to do that!...who was it?" Then here comes Mr. Squirrel running up to give me a hug. As I pry my mind of who is in the costume. I finally remember. When other people find out who it is they ask, "Why?" All I could say is, I haven't even known this fella for very long and I know that there is no reason.

Little did I know that Holly was sitting in a room across campus trying to pay attention to the speaker for the preview students, but was instead watching in amusement as me and a few others are walking around outside following the big squirrel and taking pictures.


PTS Mascot 

Nice. We figure that since there are so many of these cute little guys running around campus (I love to sit and watch/laugh at them--thanks Katie Deming for my appreciation of the little fellas) we should make them our mascot.

What do you think?

Sigma bloggers...did I miss anyone?

I promise I will post about the weekend, but I'm waiting on a few pics... Until then, I found out 2 more of my Sigma sisters have blogs:

Ryan and Molly

Yea for bloggers!
Yea for Sigmas!

Peace yo.

Much rejoicing...

There is a lot that I want to post about from this weekend, but that will have to wait because I am on my way to dinner, and then it's time to work on the homework that I haven't had time to do since my weekend went by incrediably too fast. I'm really just here to say...

Stephen Fleischer has a blog again! Glad your back bro!

Coffee and Guinness...my weaknesses...and Shiner...(and Scotch...)

One of my sorority sisters, Holly, is in town for the Preview Student weekend. We went to Small World for some coffee and then I showed her the D-Bar...cause I needed some inexpensive 20 oz Guinness...I mean... ;-) This is where Holly found out that there is no Shiner in NJ. Something all Texans must deal with when living here. Obviously she didn't read my blog during the first month I was here and needing a Shiner. I forgot to ask her to bring me some also...damn.

That's all for now folks.

Desmond Tutu in Trenton

An opportunity to hear the Archbishop of Cape Town, South Africa, Desmond Tutu, preach at a church 30 minuets away brought many PTS students to arrive at church an hour early for the 10 am service. 807 people attended.

Within the larger message Tutu brought to the congregation at Trinity Cathedral in Trenton, Episcopal Diocese of New Jersey, I heard a message directed to myself. Just last night I wrote, "The world I have created is fragile." refering to how easy it is to remove Christ as my source for happiness and replace Him with other human beings, and how quickly happiness may fade when things or people do not meet my expectations. Yet inspite of me, Tutu says, God looks upon me gently speaking these words, "I hold you as something fragile." Yes, my world is fragile. Yes, I am fragile. The major difference is that when the world I've created crumbles, I am with nothing, but when I crumble under the power and grace of God, I am still in the palm of His hand.

The sermon addressed the issue of acceptance of all people as the children of God and ended with a plea for us to join him in welcoming all people into God's Kingdom. Everyone from your friends to your enemies, those on the margins, and yes, even Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, and George Bush (that is his order). All people, because God has no enemies. He was very interesting to listen to.

Before leaving a group of us were standing outside trying to decide where to go for lunch. As it so happens Desmond Tutu walks out the side entrance of the church. Kevin had brought one of Tutu's books, No Future Without Forgiveness, in hopes of getting him to sign it, so he walked up to him and said hello and shook his hand. Tutu then says, "You want me to sign something". So, he got his book signed. One of the guys walking Tutu around looks at me and says, "You want him to sign something?" I said, "I don't have anything for him to sign..." "You'll regret it later." Humm...now I will! So, the man brings Tutu back over to me and I have him sign my bulletin. He was obviously tired because he said, "Ok, you're the last one. We need to get out of here, I'm hungry." Then someone else came up, and he said, "I can't write." So great.

Just for once

Today might be a guitar playing/songwriting day. It seems forever since I took time for that. My Texas buds (are any PTS people reading my blog anymore, or was it just cause Adam linked to my blog one day?) know that I really want to record a CD. I go through times of being really excited and ready to find a place to record, to wondering if it would be worth it. I was talking to a guy last night at a party, he's a drummer, and mentioned my desire to record a few songs professionally. He was really encourging me to go ahead and do so. I told him that I really like my songs, but don't know if other people will. Apparently that shouldn't stop me from pursuing this. He gave an example of a band that didn't have a lot of musical talent but they believed in their songs so much that people liked them--I forget what band he said. "Do you want to record? You should. It will mean something whether it's to you or your children or whoever."


"We just want something to mean something for once, just for once."-Shane Nicholson

Sigma bloggers?

I'm adding a link to one of my sorority sisters blogs... Alix. Any other Sigmas have blogs? If so you should definately let me know!

Off to the beautiful outside to read!

FactCheck and Hollis Webb, added links

Ellen informed me of this site...FactCheck.org which is different from FactCheck.com both are pretty interesting.


And I'm adding a link to the site of Hollis Webb as well...because I am listening to his CD at the moment. :-)

Cornel West-Democracy Matters

A few PTS people went to hear Cornel West speak about his book Democracy Matters at the Princeton University Book Store last night. It sounds very interesting and I will have to read it at some point. Here is some of what he spoke about and thoughts it triggered in my own mind. I hope I do justice to his words.


The experiment of democracy-I thought this phrase was interesting. People do not focus on democracy as an experiment, especially here in the United States where we think we have everything all figured out. I am reading the book Hellfire Nation by James A. Morone which addresses this issue as well. As Morone suggests, America views itself as the super power in which the rest of the world watches to see how things are done correctly. We think we know how this system of democracy should work. And we do so in a context where we do not even know who we are as a nation. For Morone this is due to our moral struggles and defining who is American and who is not--us versus them. Cornel West spoke concerning this identity of America as well. As I understood him, his new book is a search towards finding out who we are as a nation. We seem to have lost the true notion of democracy.

West also mentioned cynical Americans who do not become involved in politics because it seems useless to do so. Both sides are continually trashing each other and there is no realness seen in their issues. I identify with this. That attitude is my own. I am starting to realize the importance of politics and am trying to sort through all the fronts people have during election time, but I am still perplexed. Stop telling me things you think you should say, but speak your truth on the issues. All I want is honesty.

Another issue that West addressed is the current fear that many Americans are expressing since 9/11. This fear brought about terror and revenge to those that threaten us. But, West says, the African American community here in the United States has expereinced that fear for houndreds of years. How did they react? They didn't turn to revenge, they turned to the social gospel and Martin Luther King Jr. While there is no doubt in my mind that the African American culture experienced more pain and fear from the time of slavery till now, than most other Americans, he did not mention the violence that Malcolm X encourgaed in his desire to change America's views on African Americans. Maybe his book touches on this issue, but yesterday's speech did not.

Overall, I really enjoyed listening to West speak. Although people have apparently told him that he does not present himself like a traditional Princeton University Professor--serious, stuffy, and the like--I for one am thankful for that he does not. He is very animated and keeps you interested.

I'm bound to ramble*

You know the quote from My Big Fat Greek wedding, "If I suvived an old lady ass kicking, I'd brag about it"? I now have my own rendition, "If I survived a crazy old lady trying to set me on fire, I'd brag about it". And I did. And I am--bragging about it. She was just trying to help wish me a happy birthday, I'm sure... After dissappearing for a while she comes back to the table and asks me to give her my hand, palm down. I am a bit reluctant, but by then she has annouced to everyone that it's my birthday and everyone is staring at me, so I give her my hand. Then she takes out three matches and starts putting them in between my fingers. I am wondering what in the world she is thinking, when she trys to light the matches. I look very concerned and take my hand away placing the "candels" on the piece of chocolate cake in front of me. She then calls me a wimp. No thanks lady, I'd rather not be set on fire for my birthday! She was a riot. All this happened at the pot luck lunch at United Reformed Church, Somerville, NJ. This was the Touring Choir's first venture. It's going to be a great year.

I've had a number of birthday celebratory events this weekend. Friday night Oliva and I had a joint birthday party (her birthday was Thursday) of a girls night out with dinner at the Olive Garden and hanging out afterwards. The second celebration was Saturday dinner at Soonja's, an Asian food place. It was really good to just sit and hang out with friends and eat great food. Thanks to all who came! The third celebration was almost non-existant, but I am really thankful to Katy for making it happen--The John Butler Trio concert was wonderful!! We heard them play for an hour and a half, and the whole time I was drooling over the mad guitar skills of John Butler. I saw them in Austin at SXSW in March, but I forgot how amazing watching them is! I am so thankful that I was able to go. And for those wondering what these guys sound like and not liking my hesitant answers of, "Um, I don't really know, it's just different" I have a description for ya, from John Butler himself--"reggae-hillbilly". Maybe... But, seriously, you just need to listen to these guys. I was able to buy their "Three" cd, which has the song in which my blog is named, as well as a sticker for my guitar case. Celebration four? (since today is the actual birthday) I'll get back to ya on that. I have a lot of reading to do, unfortunately.

Oh, and I have to remember to stop talking bad about all the PTS people... Somehow my blog seems to have reached the hands of fellow student bloggers. Maybe it's because of this entry...Adam's blog


*Title of post is yet another reference to The John Butler Trio

AC Homecoming

A few AC people have questioned me to see if I'm coming down for Homecoming...

This is the deal. I really really want to fly down and see everyone, but the funds are real low/almost non-existent. I was hoping I would be able to work something out, but I still have to pay back my student account for text books and just recently started working for the catering group here on campus. I would do a monthly payment thing for the ticket, but have slacked off thus far on owning a credit card so there is pretty much no way for me to go.

This is real sad because I miss you guys and want to see you...and sing in the choir as an alumni! But, unless there is a mircle of my receiving a large sum of money for my Birthday, I will have to say I can't make it for Homecoming.